My Last Breath
by Geladwyn
Summary: Set in Harry's last year. SB/RL They have um...issues. Mysterious people can interrupt at the oddest times, don't you think? Somewhat funny. *Chapter 6* Rape mentioned, chapter four....yeah.
1. The story of today, in 10 easy steps! Bo...

A/N: Okay, here's the deal, this is slash. I wrote this as I was getting better from bronchitis or something. I was listening to my Creed cd, and I thought, "Hey, _My Sacrifice_ could be about Remus and Sirius!" So here it is. I'm not quite sure why I'm posting it, but I figured that SOMEONE might like it. Keep in mind that I've never actually written a slash story before, so it might be completely horrible, but I DON'T CARE! I don't know when it takes place, if anyone has any ideas PLEASE tell me! 

~Words~ with those surrounding them are emphasized. ~Sentences with those around them are thoughts.~

Remus and Sirius WERE together before Azkaban, Lily knew, but James didn't.

Disclaimer: Don't own them. Never have. Never will.

_~~Hello my friend, we meet again_

_ It's been awhile, where should we begin? _

_Feels like forever_

_ Within my heart are memories_

_ Of perfect love that you gave to me_

_ Oh, I remember_

_ When you are with me_

_ I'm free I'm careless, I believe_

_ Above all the others, we'll fly_

_ This brings tears to my eyes_

_ My Sacrifice _

_We've seen our share of ups and downs_

_ Oh how quickly life can turn around_

_ In an instant _

_It feels so good to reunite_

_Within yourself and within your mind._

_Let's find peace there_

_When you are with me _

_I'm free I'm careless, I believe_

_Above all the others we'll fly_

_This brings tears to my eyes_

_ My Sacrifice_

_ I just want to say hello again_

_ I just want to say hello again_

_ When you are with me_

_ I'm free I'm careless, I believe_

_ Above all the others we'll fly_

_This brings tears to my eyes_

_ Cause when you are with me_

_ I am free, I'm careless, I believe_

_Above all the others we'll fly_

_This brings tears to my eyes_

_ My Sacrifice, My Sacrifice _

_I just want to say hello again_

_ I just want to say hello again_

_ My Sacrifice.~~_

And now… ON TO THE STORY!

~Sirius' POV~

            "What the _hell_ am I doing here?" I wondered aloud, as I paused at Remus' back door.

            "I was hoping you could tell me," the owner of afore-mentioned door said, surprising me. How, you ask? By using his senses to discover that someone was talking to the very piece of oak that separated his living space from the cold outdoors. How dare he! "But, since that seems ~_not~ _to be the case, why don't you come in?" I nodded, if somewhat stupidly.

            Entering Remus' house, I was surprised at how much it resembled the old flat we used to share. Before—well, never-mind. I picked up a rather ugly grayish-green throw-pillow that Lily had made for us. We'd never liked it much, but kept it so her feelings wouldn't be hurt. "Couldn't even pick out a better color scheme without me?" I joked. Oooh, bad move. Remus' face contorted with pain and a few tears fought their way down his face. I dropped the pillow, horrified at what I'd just said. "I'm so sorry," I whispered before turning to go.

            "Wait!" Remus called as I got halfway to the door, "do you want some tea?"

~*~

            Three pots of tea and lots of uncomfortable silence later, I was ~_still~ _no closer to figuring out what I was doing there. Remus now interrupted my futile efforts to understand what evil (or, as I think now, not-so-evil) being had possessed my feet and taken me through the dark alleyways to his house. "Where are you staying tonight?" I glanced sharply at him. ~_You don't want to go there ,Moony.~_ "Because, um, if you don't have anywhere else to go, you could, um, stay with me."

            I put my teacup back on its saucer. The weird thing was that I did it extremely calmly. Considering that my heart was thundering around in my chest, it's surprising I didn't break the poor cup. "I'm not so sure that's such a good idea, Remus."

            Out of the four marauders, Remus had always been the one that had the most trouble concealing his emotions, but that was what I'd always loved about him. This "character flaw," as Remus would put it, was what showed me the hurt and disappointment on his face. For a moment I thought I saw something else also, but I probably just imagined it. "Oh, right, of course not. Full moon's tonight."

            "What? No!" I had thought he understood, but, as usual, he blamed it on the goddamn moon. "Remus," I gingerly took one of his hands in my own, he flinched a bit, but I didn't care. "I don't care about the fucking moon." He looked at me in surprise, I was saying this all _very_ calmly. It was ~_completely~_ unlike the Sirius he used to know, oh well, a lot had changed since then. "If you recall, I'm an Animagus. And the _reason_ I became one was so that I could be ~_with~_ you during the full moon."

            "Oh, well then why ~_don't~ _you stay here? I ~_have~_ a guest room."

            I jumped up, calm façade completely gone, "God, Remus! Don't you get it?" I shouted, "I'm still in love with you!" I'd finally figured out why I was there. My mind told me that now I could leave, but me heart made me go on. "I'm still in love with you and you hate me! You've always hated me! Even when you said you loved me! You were just using me! All you've ever wanted was my body! You've ~_never~_ cared about me!" Ranting about the one person you've ever loved, body and soul, hating you with all his heart is quite tiring. So it was no surprise that I collapsed in a pitiful, sobbing heap on the floor.

            "Oh my God," Remus whispered, obviously shaken, "Sirius, why do you think that I hate you?" 

            I lifted my head long enough to whimper, "you never rescued me, you never even visited."

            Remus knelt down and placed my head in his lap. Not caring that my spine had stiffened, he ran his long fingers through my matted hair. "I visited you every single day for the first three years you were there. You never noticed. After that, they told me that they'd give you the Kiss if I ever came again. I couldn't risk losing you forever." I felt a few hot tears tumble into the tangles of my hair. I squeezed Remus' hand, encouraging him to continue. "As for rescuing you, well, you had never given me any reason to believe that you were innocent. But I ~_never_~ stopped loving you." Remus turned my head so that I had to look at him. "Sirius, I have ~_always~_ loved you, since the very first moment that I saw you. And not even my very last breath will take that love away." 

            A single tear slipped from my eye, but Remus gently brushed it away. Well ~_that~_ was the last straw. I mean you can't find out that the person that you love that you thought hated you actually loves you and not do anything about it. Follow that? Oh well. In any case, I kissed him. Hard. With the exceptions of our first, last, and any others in between, that was the best damn kiss of my life. All of the yearning of the many long years was put into that kiss. All of the lonely nights, the cold beds, the feeling of emptiness when you know that the one you love thinks you betrayed him, all of that was somehow fit into that one exhilarating, raw, zealous kiss. We stared at each other for a few minutes after we broke apart, gasping for breath.

            I suddenly began to laugh hysterically. Poor Remus looked horribly hurt, he probably thought it had all been some elaborate joke I'd thought up. However, it was clear to my body that to stop laughing was _not _and option. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just, think about everything that's happened since I got here." This just confused Moony even more. "Okay, I'll review:

            1)I ask your door why the hell I came to your house.

            2)You find me talking to the door and invite me inside.

            3)I insult your taste in colors.

            4)You invite me to stay overnight.

            5)I refuse.

            6)I figure out _why _I was talking to the door, and declare my love for you, and your        hate for me.

            7)You proclaim that you don't hate me, you love me.

            8)I cry.

            9)We make out.

            10)We stare at each other."

            Remus stared at me in amazement, which only caused me to laugh harder. "It's really ~_not~ _that funny."

            I abruptly stopped laughing, "You're right. It's not." The doorbell rang, making the two of us jump. "You have a doorbell?" My true love stared at me as though I'd suddenly grown three heads. "What?"

            "Sirius!" he hissed, "There's someone at the door!"

            "Yes, Remus. There is someone at the door. Would you like me to get it?"

            "No!" The harsh tone of his voice surprised me, he saw this and softened it. "You're still on the run from the Ministry." I still didn't get it. "I want you to become my loveable dog, Snuffles!" he snapped.

            "Oh! Well why didn't you just say so?"

            Remus slapped his forehead and walked to the front door. Looking behind him to check that I was safely dog-i-fied, he opened it.

            After a few minutes of Remus gawking at whoever it was with a look of pure astonishment on his face, and extremely familiar voice forced itself towards my ears. "Well? Are you just going to let me freeze out here?"


	2. Poor tea just sat there, all forgotten.....

A/N: I'm **really, really**sorry I haven't updated sooner! My life is insane! But now, I have no life, and can therefore type as much as I want…Okay, okay! On to the story…

~~Remus' POV~~

            During my early Hogwarts days, I had two best friends, Sirius and James. We would have done anything for one another, and often did. An annoying kid named Peter Pettigrew had seen James as some kind of hero, and thus became his shadow. James spent much of his time attempting to ditch Peter, this left a lot of time for Sirius and I to spend time alone together. Over the years, we grew closer and closer, it was inevitable that he'd figure out my secret. Still, I tried to hide it from him as long as I could. When he **did **puzzle it out, Sirius didn't know how to tell me that he knew, so he tol James. Peter overheard and struck a deal with them: He'd keep it a secret, as long as we'd be his friends and include him in anything and everything. 

            The four of us made a wonderful team—James, with his courage, Sirius, with his daredevil attitude, I, with my brilliant (if I do say so myself) schemes, and Peter, with that innocent little face that no one could ever suspect. We were soon inseparable, except at the full moon. It tore me up, considering that if I didn't stay in a 'haunted house' once a month, I'd kill my friends, but they didn't care. 

            **I** was supposed to be the one with the plans, but it had been Sirius' idea for them to become Animagi. 

            ::A/N: Um… yeah, flash back now.::

            ~~*~ James and Peter were playing Exploding Snap in the common room while Sirius and I did our homework. (gasp! We were actually accomplishing something, amazing, isn't it?) "Full moon's tonight," he 'casually' remarked, writing his Potion's essay. 

            I glanced at him, "Yes, believe me, I am **well** aware of this fact."

            "MeandJamesandPeterhavebeentalkingandwethinkweshouldbecomeAnimagitokeepyoucompany."

            I blinked. "Okay, that was a **little** bit too fast for me, slow down."

            He gulped as though I'd asked him to tell Professor McGonagall who'd spiked the Pumpkin Juice for the Halloween Feast. "I've been talking to James and Peter, we're going to become Animagi in order to keep you company during the full moon." He winced, expecting me to blow-up at him. When I didn't, he went on, "We've been practicing, and doing research and stuff, and James and I can be ready by tonight. Peter's still having some trouble transforming, but he's almost ready."

            I gasped, and my eyes filled with tears. "You guys would do that for me?" Sirius nodded, "But why? I mean, all anyone's ever done is go 'Ahh! Werewolf!' and run away. Why risk your lives for a beast?"

            "Because you're not a beast, you're one of our best-friends."

            "Thank you," I said, so choked up that nothing would come out above a whisper.

            Sirius gave me a lopsided grin, "What are friends for? We love you, Remus." At that moment, I didn't care that he could never love me the way that I loved him. He was there. I had friends. They cared about me. "I-I-I don't know how to tell you this…"

            I squeezed his hand encouragingly, "You can tell me anything, Sirius."

            "Remus, you know that they love you. I mean, and I do too, but they love you as a friend, or a brother, maybe. But me, I love you, as in, I'm **in** love with you."

"Oh my God, Sirius!"

"I know, I know," he continued miserably, "Werewolves mate for life, and there's no possible chance on earth that I could be yours."

"Actually," I shyly contradicted, "If you wouldn't horribly mind being my mate, I think you could be."

Sirius' face lit up with joy, and he pulled me into a bone crushing  hug. "Wouldn't mind? Moony, you idiot, I'd be ecstatic!" I smiled warmly, decided to ignore the fact that I had **no** idea what he'd called me, and kissed him full on the mouth.~*~~

James and Peter never discovered that Sirius and I were together. Somewhere around 6th year, James began to date Lily Evans. We, of course, welcomed her into our little group. She was told about my lycanthropy, and was very nice and sympathetic. However, she did** not** want to become an Animagus. I didn't blame her. 

One night, James and Peter had detention. Sirius and I were taking advantage of some, ahh…alone time…when Lily walked in. She swore not to tell anyone, and honestly didn't care.

I pulled myself from my reverie just in time to open the door and see the best friend I **hadn't** fallen in love with. James stood there in amusement as my mouth dropped open and I gawked at him. "Well?" He finally questioned, "Are you just going to let me freeze out here?" I numbly let him in, and closed the door.

Earlier that day, one of my friends had been greeted by an ugly throw-pillow upon entering my house. Now, my other true friend was welcomed by a rather large black dog staring at him. I followed James into the living room and sat down hard on the floor. 

After a few moments of everyone gazing at each other, my supposedly dead best friend laughed uneasily. This frighteningly familiar sound made Padfoot transform back into Sirius out of shock.

"This is something, isn't it? I never thought I'd see the day when the Mischievous Marauders had nothing to say to each other."

We were silent for a few more minutes before Sirius also laughed, "Yeah, ya know what **else** is something? The fact that—" his laughing stopped abruptly. "You're dead."

James sighed, "Oh well, I **knew**I couldn't avoid it forever." A sharp whistle cut through the air. 

"The tea!" I gasped, jumping up. "I've forgotten the tea!"

~*~

~~James' POV~~

::A/N: Does is strike anyone else as odd that James, Sirius, and Remus' names all end in s'? No? Oh, alright then.::

            Sirius and I watched as Remus ran into the kitchen and turned off the kettle. Sirius suddenly glared very, um, un-Sirius-ly at me, by appearing serious. Make sense? Okay…let me try to clear it up for you. Sirius was serious ::A/N: Doesn't that sound weird? Sirius-serious? Just me? I thought so…::, and by doing so, had appeared the complete opposite of who I'd know at school. "What are you doing here, James?"

            I nervously glanced into the kitchen, Remus had mysteriously disappeared. "Well, depending on whether or not Moony's been swallowed be the sink, I **may **soon be having tea." My feeble attempts at lightening the situation failed miserably.

            "That's not funny," my (former?) best-friend snapped. "James, I **need **to know why you're here **before** Remus comes back."

            "But why?" I questioned, he wasn't going to get away **that **easily. "I'd much rather just tell both of you at once."

            Sirius unexpectedly jumped up, startling me, "Because you need to!"

            "Not a very good reason, if you ask me." Remus' quiet voice contrasted greatly with Sirius' deafening one. "Trying to keep me in the dark, Padfoot? Well don't worry, I'm leaving." He bitterly set down ::A/N: How can you bitterly set something down? Does that make sense?:: the tea tray no one had noticed he was holding, and pulled on his coat. "Oh, and James? You **may**want to tell your son that you're, you, know, **alive.** I have a feeling he'd like to know."

            "My…son? Harry's alive?" Remus slammed the door shut in answer. I turned to Sirius, but he just glared at me. I sighed, "Hogwarts. Dumbledore will know where Harry is if Harry's not with Dumbledore, at Hogwarts." I shook my head, all literacy had just gone **poof! **out the window. 

A/N: ::nervously:: So? What'd ya think? Good, bad? Please review, I need to know whether or not to post more. I already have the next two chapters written, you just need to tell me to post them! 


	3. Leather miniskirts and pink fuzzy ponies...

::A/N: Oooh! That's um, two chapters in two days! Yay for me! Oh, and to answer moonfire's question, James is alive, but you won't find out how in this chapter. If you really want to know, you can email me. My address is ketchupdragoness@yahoo.com. Okay, um....what else? I guess that's it. On to the oddness!  
  
~~Ron's POV~~  
  
I pushed my way through the crowd up towards Hermione on the bleachers. Snape, being the evil git that he was, had given me a detention. This was especially unfair, however, seeing as how it was the day of the Gryffindor--Slytherin match. I had only just gotten out, and judging by the was Harry and Malfoy were hurtling dangerously towards the ground, not a moment too soon. "Go Harry!" I shouted when I sat down.  
  
By chance, I glanced at the ground where Dumbledore was, and I realized something. There were two Harrys. One in the air, where he should be, the other talking to the Headmaster, where he shouldn't be. The Harry on the ground seemed older, taller, and more tired. However, this didn't seem to matter to my mouth which shouted, at the top of my lungs, "Shit!"  
  
Hermione gasped and slapped my arm before following my gaze. She, apparently, was no better at dealing with shock than I. Her eyes got very wide, and she shrieked "What the fuck?!?!?!?" It was very loud. Very, very loud. So loud, in fact, that McGonagall glared up at us. Of course the people surrounding us were curious as to why Ms. I'm-so-perfect Granger had attempted to break their eardrums. The only problem with this was that Ms. I'm-so-perfect Granger never left a question unanswered. So, when they asked, she pointed.  
  
Harry, of course, noticed that something was wrong. He looked to where she was pointing, and promptly collided with the ground.  
  
~*~  
  
~~Harry's POV~~  
  
~I'm five feet from the snitch. Four. Three. Two. On-what was that? Hey, is that me? Ouch.~ I closed my eyes for a second, and when I opened them again, I was not on the Quidditch Pitch. Ron was sitting by the bed that my Firebolt had been transfigured into. "Hey, Harry!" He said, a bit too chirpily for my tastes. "Feeling better?"  
  
I blinked at him, "Yeah, Ron, much. Just one question."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"When did the game get moved to the hospital wing? And why did someone turn my broom into a bed? And since when do you play Quidditch? And where is the Slytherin team? For that matter, where's my team?"  
  
Ron raised his eyebrows at me. "O-kaaaay...that was five questions, Harry, not one;" he brightened, "But I can answer all of them! You hit the ground, so they moved you to the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey would only let one person stay with you until she gets back with your medicine. And since `Mione's too mortified too show her face, I'm here!"  
  
"Ohhhh yeah," everything quickly came running back to me. "Hey Ron, who was that guy? He looked like me."  
  
Ron suddenly turned very uncomfortable. "Well, um, Harry, see, the thing is..."  
  
"Yes?" I prompted.  
  
"You promise you won't pass out or anything?" I glared at him. "Okay, okay!" Ron took a deep breath and then, "You'refatherisaliveandhecametoHogwartstofindyou."  
  
I blinked at him several times as my mind tried to decipher this. "Oh, okay."  
  
This was apparently not the reaction he'd been expecting. Ron waved his hand in front of my face, "Hell-ooo? Harry? Do you know what I said? Your father, the one who's been dead for seventeen years ::A/N: I think this is right, we're in his 7^th year, Lily and James died when he was one-ish? I dunno:: is alive."  
  
"Yes, Ron, thank you. I might have confused him with my other father. You know, the one that's only been dead for ten years." I said, flashing him a look of annoyance.  
  
My best-friend's blue eyes widened. "Jeez, sorr-y."  
  
I sighed, "I'm sorry, Ron, I think I just went into shock."  
  
"Oh! Was that why there was a severe lack of reaction?"  
  
"Ron, is my dad here or not?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, yeah."  
  
I waited for what seemed like an eternity. "Well?"  
  
"Oh! You want to see him?" Another look of annoyance from me, "Hold on, then, I'll get him."  
  
As Ron left, different thoughts raced through my head. ~~What the hell? Will he like me? How? What about my mum? If Ron's kidding, I swear I'll kill him. Wait a minute, did Hermione curse?~~ But these were all interrupted by a gasp from the doorway. I gulped, "Dad?"  
  
::A/N: Hmm...should I leave it here? No, I'll be nice.::  
  
~*~  
  
~~James' POV~~  
  
My son slowly turned around to meet my gaze. "Oh God," I choked out, "Your eyes. Your beautiful eyes." My eyes had tears welling up in them.  
  
Harry bit his lip, "Is she alive" A few traitorous salty drops escaped. "Oh," he said uncomfortably. "I'm sorry."  
  
I quickly rushed forward to his bedside and sat down. "No! I mean...We don't know yet, um, son." I awkwardly patted his arm.  
  
That red-haired kid, Tom, maybe? John? Ron? That was it, Ron. Ron sniggered at my pathetic attempts at being fatherly. I glared at him.  
  
"Sorr-y!" He said, rolling his eyes as he left the room.  
  
Harry looked up at me with these huge puppy eyes; "What if," he gulped.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"When school's over, will I have to go back to living at the Dursley's?"  
  
"No! Of course not! How could you ever think that?"  
  
"Well, I mean, what if she's not alive?" I must have looked at him very strangely. Before I knew it, Harry was going into this long, detailed explanation of essentially how he though I'd abandon him at the first sign of difficulty. This, of course, ended with me telling him that he was my son, and nothing could ever change that. Then, we hugged. It was all very touching; at least until Madame Pomfrey came in and told me off.  
  
"You are endangering your son's health!"  
  
"By hugging him I'm endangering his health? Forgive me, but aren't you the same woman who told Lily I'd get her pregnant by touching her?!?!?!"  
  
Harry raised his eyebrows. "Woah there," he whispered, "TMI." (Too much information)  
  
Madame Pomfrey pursed her lips, "Yes, and look who has a son!"  
  
"My God, woman! You're impossible! Harry was born four years after you told her that! And believe me, it was a hell of a lot more than touching! First we--" I was rudely muffled by the old nurse's hand across my mouth as she endeavored to steer me into her office.  
  
Her efforts to do this were interrupted by a horribly familiar voice, "You now, I seem to recall a certain James Potter trying to impress the school with his, ahem, private life. But it appears that when the school stopped listening, he turned to his young, impressionable, extremely annoying son."  
  
"Snapey!" I cried as I ran to my school rival.  
  
"Potter," he replied coldly.  
  
"Out." Madame Pomfrey commanded, pointing at the exit.  
  
"Yes, I quite agree," I said, attempting to mimic Snape's cold drawl. "We should let young Potter have his rest." I bowed to Harry, "Son."  
  
"Father," he sputtered, barely holding in his laughter.  
  
"Bad son!" I scolded, "You didn't bow! You must always bow to your almighty, stuck-up father!"  
  
"But Da-ddy! I don't wanna!" he whined, pouting like a three-year-old.  
  
Snape clasped a hand around my upper arm and steered me out of the room, "Come, the headmaster wants to see you."  
  
"But I just saw him, I want to stay with Harry."  
  
"And I want a pink, fuzzy pony. Deal with it." He snarled.  
  
"Well, now that I know what to get you for Christmas, we can move on to McGonagall--"  
  
"Potter--" Snape said, warningly.  
  
"A shiny yellow bowtie, perhaps? Or maybe that darling little leather miniskirt I saw in that muggle shop on the way here?" I finally acknowledged my seething companion, "What do you think, oh-one-of-the-pink-fuzzy-pony?"  
  
"We're here," he muttered between clenched teeth. "The password's chocolate covered meatballs." And he stalked off, mumbling about the atrocious image of McGonagall in a miniskirt.  
  
::A/N: So? Was it good? Did you like? I need to figure out whether or not Lily's alive. Input, please! Otherwise I know I'll make the wrong decision. R+R, please. Well, one would assume that you've already read, so, um, review! 


	4. Ministry Officials...Er, Idiots. No, Off...

::A/N: Kay, this chapter is going back to Sirius and Remus. I think that next chapter I should have them, James, and Harry all in the same place. What do you think?  
  
~~Sirius' POV~~  
  
Oh. Shit. What have I done? Remus probably hates me, Harry's going to go insane when he sees his father, and God knows what the people at Hogwarts will do when they see him. James. It's all James' fault! Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that he's alive, and all, but things were finally starting to be good! And now they're all fucked up. "Damn it, James! You made Remus go away! You came back! Why now? Now, of all times? Now, when my life is nearly perfect! Why not during the thirteen years I spent in hell?!" My anguished cries echoed in the empty house. I put my head in my hands and began to sob.  
  
"Shh, darling, it'll be alright." Remus' warm voice and his arms around me had to be the most comforting thing in the world. "I don't know why he's here now, but I do know that no matter what you do, I'll never leave you." I looked up at him with a tearstained face.  
  
"You came back," I murmured, lower lip trembling.  
  
"Of course I came back! Why wouldn't I have?" I shrugged. "Sirius, I thought we went over this, I don't hate you, I love you more than anything else."  
  
"No, that's not it."  
  
"Then what?"  
  
"Don't you wonder why I wanted to know how James was back before you?"  
  
Remus blinked at me, "Well, yes. But, I knew you'd tell me in your own time."  
  
"Then why'd you leave?"  
  
"I don't know," he sighed. "I think I just needed to clear my head. You have to admit, a lot has happened today." Remus paused, "But why did you want to know before me, anyway?"  
  
I closed my eyes, and a few last tears slipped out. "I can still hear her screams," my voice sounded as it had when I'd first escaped from Azkaban, hoarse and pained.  
  
"Whose screams?"  
  
"Callien MacKellan," that one name brought back so many repressed memories. "She was in the cell next to me in Azkaban." Remus tried to comfort me, but I pushed him away, "No, just let me talk, I need to get it out." So I told him. I told him the real reason I'd often wake in a cold sweat, why I hated Azkaban so much, the truth behind my haunted eyes.  
  
::A/N: Really long flashback. I had a lot to say. After all, I needed to tell Callien's entire story! I can't do that in a short amount of time. I can't do anything in a short amount of time...I thought you knew that!:: ~~ "No! You can't do this! He'll get away! You've got to listen to me!" I watched in mild interest as two Dementors dragged a young woman down the hallway. She was kicking and screaming, nothing bizarre about that. However, something about this girl struck as odd. Her cries seemed less frightened, and more pained. Those monsters tossed her into the cell next to mine, and stalked off.  
  
The woman landed in a heap against the far wall. "Damnit!" she shrieked, hitting her fist on the floor. "Damnit, damnit, DAMNIT!"  
  
"Stop it!" I shouted, she was beating her fist so hard it was bleeding.  
  
She turned to me, eyes filled with so much pain, it hurt me. "Why? He's dead! Nothing else matters!" This strange woman went back to weeping uncontrollably.  
  
"Calm down for just a second." Her sobs slowly diminished to whimpers. "Okay, first of all, what's your name?"  
  
"Callien MacKellan" She sniffled.  
  
"That's a very pretty name, Callien."  
  
She glared at me, "Don't you talk to me like I'm a four-year-old. I couldn't stand it then, and I still can't."  
  
"Woah, what are you talking about? And who's dead?"  
  
"People only compliment your name when you're either a very small child, or are mentally instable. And I assure you sir, I am neither."  
  
I blinked, "Oh, sorry. I guess...But you still haven't answered my question, who's dead?"  
  
"My husband, John Pettigrew."  
  
My body tensed, "Pettigrew? Your husband's name is--"  
  
"-Was."  
  
"Right, was. Your husband's name was Pettigrew?"  
  
"Yeah, and I know what you're thinking, `Hey, Pettigrew, same name as that kid, Peter, that Sirius Black killed.'" Then it hit me, she didn't know who I was! "Well, I've got news for you, buddy, Peter Pettigrew was my husband's brother, and Peter is very much alive."  
  
"I know!" This was getting to be fun. Confusing, but fun.  
  
She gasped, "But...how? Unless you're...but no, you couldn't be. Could you?"  
  
I mock bowed, "Sirius Black, at your service, madam."  
  
Callien blinked at me for a seconds. "Holy shit!" She quickly recovered. "I feel sorry for you, Sirius."  
  
That was the last thing I expected. Well, no, that's not true. The absolute last thing I expected was for Snape to come waltzing into the prison in a yellow tutu, and declare that all he'd ever wanted was a pink fuzzy pony. I glanced at the entrance, just to be sure. "Oh, why?"  
  
"Well, you're obviously innocent, since Peter's alive, though I'm not quite sure how you are. Care to explain?"  
  
"Will you tell me how you know that Peter's alive if I do?"  
  
"Yes, sure, but you first."  
  
Seeing that this was the only way to get her to talk, I explained how everything had happened. ::A/N: I'm not going to. It takes too long, and I assume you all know already.:: "Your turn."  
  
"Alright, alright," Callien sighed, "Just give me a moment to register the fact that one of the world's most dangerous wizards is, in fact, completely innocent."  
  
"Oh! That's what I wanted to ask you, how did you not know who I was? I mean, I assume right after the thing with Peter happened, they had pictures of me running in the Daily Prophet for weeks."  
  
"Well, yeah, but I've never paid much attention to the news, besides what John told me, that is." Her eyes widened. "Oh God, John!" Callien began to weep once again.  
  
"Come here," I urged her, she slowly inched towards my cell. I put one arm around her, and comforted the girl best I could. "Shh, I know, I know. You know, you might feel better if you told me what it was that happened."  
  
"I know, I just--my God, I can't believe he's gone! But you're right, I should just get it all over with. With any luck, you'll actually believe me, unlike those idiots at the Ministry!" She sighed, "Okay, here goes nothing. I graduated from Hogwarts three years after you guys did. You may not remember me, but I was in Gryffindor. I had had such a crush on your friend, Remus, but he never even noticed me!" No, my mind argued, he was too busy acting as if he was in love with me, he didn't have time to pretend for anyone else! "Well, one day, I walked into the common room to see you two, well, rather indisposed. I had thought my heart would break. I ran down to the lake, and sat there and cried. Peter found me, and he asked me what was wrong. Although I hated you for taking away my Remus, who wasn't actually mine in the first place, I didn't want to hurt you, so I just told him that my bird died. He was very sympathetic. It was actually kind of strange, now that I think about  
it, I don't even like birds! I'd never had one in my life. But anyway, he was very concerned about me, and invited me to his house over the summer. I, of course, accepted. After all, I'd never had a friend in my entire life, and I knew that Peter was likely to be the closest I'd ever get. That summer, I met his younger brother, John, who was a Squib. John was always courteous to me. We became friends almost immediately. So, the next summer, I went to Peter's house again. It soon became clear that what we both wanted was to be with each other in a non-platonic way. We started dating, and as soon as I graduated, we got married. Peter didn't show up for the wedding. I couldn't think what on earth could possess him to not at least make an appearance at his own brother's wedding. John eventually told me it was because Peter had always liked me in "that way". I never had a clue." She laughed softly, "How could I have been so stupid? I should have known that no one could ever want  
me as a friend.  
  
Even John wanted more. No one has ever really wanted me for me. John wanted me as a wife, Peter wanted me as a wife, Remus didn't know I existed, and God only knows what you want from me."  
  
This seemed like a good time to interrupt. "I want to help you. It seems that Peter hurt you, and I can never stand to see people get hurt, especially if it's by someone that's downright malevolent."  
  
She snorted, "Yeah, right, what's in it for you?"  
  
I looked at her incredulously, "Nothing, but seeing as how I'm completely bored and have nothing better to do, I woke up this morning and decided that I was going to help whoever was placed in that cell."  
  
"Your sarcasm is not appreciated."  
  
"Sarcasm, what sarcasm?" I asked innocently.  
  
"Do you want me to finish, or not?" I nodded, "Okay then. As I said, I'd never even noticed that he liked me. I thought he was just being kind to me. Anyway, we never really thought about him that much after that. At least not until he was supposedly killed by you. John was a wreck. I think he may have blamed himself. Poor thing. He was always so considerate of others, if they were hurt, or in trouble, it was his problem. For the last few years, he's been slowly slipping away from me. Two nights ago, I'd been making a cake for my little sister's birthday party. John was sleeping. All of a sudden, I heard screams from the bedroom. I dropped the pan I'd been holding and ran in to see John laying in the floor, all covered in blood. And Peter standing over him, a knife in his hand. I cried out for John, and Peter turned. He had this horrible, maniacal smile on his face, and he said, `Hello, my dear. I've come back for you.' I rushed at him, determined to save my husband.  
However, before I could even get within three feet of him, Peter pulled out his wand and cast the Cruciatus curse on me. It was horrible. I felt as though the pain was splitting my body apart. Yet all I could think about was John. I couldn't go to him, the pain was so intense, so I had to watch my only love stabbed to death by his own brother. As he left, Peter removed the curse from my body. I think he knew I wouldn't go after him. I crawled over to John and held his head in my lap. Peter had apparently also called the Ministry before he left. They arrived to see my sobbing over John, and yelling at myself for letting this happen. They also heard me talking about Peter. Now, they all think I'm insane. Which may very well be true, but I know that I'm not dangerously insane. Why would I kill my own husband? I loved him more than life." Callien told her entire story without any emotion, except for the last two sentences. Here, she broke down in silent sobs.  
  
I helplessly held her as she cried herself out. That entire night, I did nothing but comfort her. As she slept, I noticed that she had a very interesting necklace. It had a huge stone that was constantly changing colors. At first, I thought it was just an opal. But then, I noticed that it had a Celtic knot in the center that would change every few seconds. It was beautiful. When I asked her about it in the morning, Callien said her grandfather had made it especially for her. No one else in the universe had anything like it. Over the next year and a half, Callien and I watched out for each other. I think we kept each other alive. I told her about Remus and myself. She got very angry at him, and demanded why he couldn't see what a wonderful person I was. I soon grew to love her. One day, she was visited by a Ministry official. He said that he was there to hear her case. I didn't like it. Why should he come now? It was such a random time, it made no sense at all. I begged her  
not to go, but she wouldn't listen to me. Callien always was stubborn. She would have done anything to get out of there. Can't say I blamed her.  
  
"Just be careful, alright? There's something I don't like about this guy."  
  
Callien gave a soft little laugh, "Sirius, you worry too much. I'll be fine."  
  
So she went off with this guy to discuss her case. I absolutely hated him. There was just something really off about him.  
  
When she came back that night, Callien was shaking and there were tears streaming down her beautiful face. She stumbled into her cell and collapsed in a small ball. "What's wrong? What happened?" She slowly raised her head, and I now saw that there were small cuts and bruises all over her face and arms.  
  
"He-he raped me," she managed to choke out. "That bastard raped me!"  
  
"No," I breathed, "No!"  
  
"Yes! He did! Sirius, that goddamn fucking bastard raped me!"  
  
I reached over and pulled her towards me, she wept into my chest. "Shh, baby, I won't let them have you."  
  
The next morning, Cornelius Fudge came to make his monthly rounds. This time, however, he stopped at Callien's cell. "Callien MacKellan?"  
  
"That's her," I said, glaring up at him.  
  
"Sirius, you needn't involve yourself in this, just let me talk to Ms. MacKellan, please."  
  
"What do you want with her?"  
  
The Minister of Magic sighed, "You're not going to make this easy, are you? Oh well, an Andrew Reiss from the Judicial Department has filed a complaint against you, Callien. He says that he come here yesterday in order to see if there was anything he could do to get you out of here, and that when you got to the visiting room you seduced him. When Mr. Reiss wouldn't submit to your indecent advances, you attacked him."  
  
"Bull! How did she get these cuts and bruises if he attacked her?"  
  
"Self-defense, Mr. Black, though I can't see how it's any of your business."  
  
"It's my business because she was raped!" I roared, jumping up, "The woman that knows all of my inner thoughts, all of my darkest, deepest secrets, was raped! She is not just the girl in the cell next to mine, Mr. Fudge, she is the only one that has ever really cared whether I lived or died! And your Dementors can't take that away from me, because she'll just keep reminding me that it's not true! That she does love me! That no matter what happens, there will always have been one person that truly cared for me."  
  
"Sirius," Callien whispered, tugging at my sleeve, "Sirius, you'll only get yourself in trouble; don't do this to yourself, I'm not important enough."  
  
"Don't talk like that," I anxiously murmured, bending down to cup her face in my palms, "Don't you ever talk like that. You are important enough, and I would do anything for you, you know that."  
  
She teared up, "But--"  
  
"No `buts' you have nudged yourself into my heart, and now you're stuck. There's no getting out." She smiled that sweet, sad smile of a fallen angel.  
  
"As touching as this all is, I've been told that Ms. MacKellan attacked Andrew Reiss, a Ministry Official, and the penalty for that is the Dementor's Kiss."  
  
"No!" I snarled, "You're not letting those things near her."  
  
"Mr. Black, there's nothing you can do, just let her go."  
  
"No! Callien, don't leave me! Don't stand for this, tell them you didn't attack him!"  
  
"Sirius, they'll never believe me. They didn't believe me when I said I didn't kill my own husband, why should they believe me when I say I didn't attack one of their idiots? Just...always remember me, okay? And know that I love you." She leaned in very close to my face, and whispered, "Tonight, I want you to transform into Padfoot when they bring you dinner, slip out, they won't be able to detect you as him. Do that for me, Sirius."  
  
"Callien--"  
  
"Promise?"  
  
I sighed, and tears welled up in my eyes, "I promise."  
  
Once again, the smile of a fallen angel appeared on her face, "Find Moony, if you can. Tell him you love him for me. You'll get a surprise, I swear."  
  
"I love you, Callien."  
  
"I love you too, Sirius Black." Just then, three Dementors showed up and dragged her off.  
  
Fudge looked coldly at me, "You will be next, Black."  
  
My dear, sweet Callien was never seen again.~~  
  
Moony stroked my tearstained face, "She told the truth, you know. You did get a surprise. I love you more than anything. But what does this have to do with James?"  
  
I sighed, "James was wearing Callien's necklace. Callien's one-of-a-kind, irreplaceable, inimitable ::A/N: Neehee, funny word!:: necklace!"  
  
"But why couldn't you just find out how he got it with me in the room?"  
  
"Remus, I loved her. And not just in the platonic sort of way. I mean, I was in love with her. And how could I not be? She was my life for one and a half years. She saved me. Callien is the reason I'm here with you."  
  
Remus' smile briefly reminded me of Callien's. "Sirius, you have to understand something. I know that Azkaban was like hell for you, and I can't blame you for thinking that I hated you. It was the Dementor's fault, not yours. I am so grateful to Callien for helping you get out of there. I'm sorry that she's dead. Sirius, I love you so much. Nothing could tear me away from you, ever." He emphasized his last word with a squeeze of my hand. Moony bent in and kissed me.  
  
I leaned into him. Oh Callien, I thought nostalgically, I wish you could have seen Remus and I together. I miss you so much. And just then, I thought I felt a hand brush past my cheek and a voice whisper in my ear, I'm here, Sirius. I've always been here. You and Moony are so sweet together. You were made for each other. As I pulled back, I looked at him, You're right, we were.  
  
::A/N: Kay, I couldn't help it. It's about six pages long, I know. Just keep this in mind: When I wrote this chapter, it was about 5:30 at night. I was not at all hyper. I had just had this huge argument with one of my best friends about my other best friend, who is suicidal. The friend that I had the argument with was really, really pissed at my other friend, she said that the girl was showing "weakness" by cutting herself. That "anyone could be strong." While it's true that she was being weak, I do not believe that everyone can be strong. Yeah, why am I dumping my problems on you? I don't know. Anyway, review, si'l vous plait. I think that's how you spell it, but right now, I honestly don't care. Once again, should I bring Lily back to life? Please tell me if you have any input at all. 


	5. Complete nonsense: The vintage classic. ...

A/N: ::gasps:: Look at all my pretty reviews! Thank you so much! I would type in everyone's name, but I'm on a laptop, and the internet has decided not to work right now…Hey, at least I can type. Not much happens in this chapter…writer's block. But no fears! Next chapter, more will happen. I think.  
  
Dumbledore's POV  
  
James Potter stepped into my office looking very annoyed. "Ah, James. Right on time."  
  
"You do know that I was talking to you ten minutes ago, correct?"  
  
"Oh, of course. However, Harry needs a bit of time to adjust to your abrupt breathingness."  
  
He laughed, "Dumbledore, you haven't changed at all." Upon seeing my blank look, he continued. "What I mean is, you could probably waltz into a room full of Ministry witches and wizards, say a long string of complete nonsense words, and walk out. They'd be praising you as the universe's most intelligent being, human or no, for years afterward."  
  
I grinned foolishly, "Why do you think I was their first choice for Minister of Magic?"  
  
"You didn't!" He exclaimed, brown eyes widening.  
  
"My dear James, you didn't honestly think I simply sat here all day waiting for something to happen, did you? Why, I've done what you suggested many times. It's becoming a monthly occurrence."  
  
"Oh…"  
  
"Indeed. But now, we really must get down to business. As you know, or don't know, as the case may be, Christmas break is not for another month or so. What this means, of course, is that while you will be able to visit Harry during the weekends, I cannot permit him to stay with you, wherever you may choose to go, until break." He nodded, but I had been Headmaster of the school long before he was even born, and therefore knew all of his tricks. "James, I mean it."  
  
"I know! Don't you trust me?"  
  
"You were a student here for seven years, I knew you, I knew your friends. Of course I don't trust you not to take your son with whom you haven't had contact with for most of his life!"  
  
"Double or triple?"  
  
"What, praytell, are you babbling on about?"  
  
"Your last sentence, it was either a double or triple."  
  
"Double or triple what, James?"  
  
"Negative. You said don't, not, and haven't. Would it be a double or triple?"  
  
A misty voice floated through the closed door, "The fates have informed me that it matters not, person-presently-speaking-with-the- Headmaster."  
  
James rushed over and threw the door open, "Sybel!" He cried, pulling the small woman into a bone-crushing hug.  
  
"James! The fates have also informed me that if you do not let me go soon, I shall be unable to breathe."  
  
"Oh! Of course! I'm so sorry." He said, letting go of her and attempting to brush the creases out of her robes.  
  
"No, no, my dear, it's quite alright. Now, stand back for a moment and let me look at you."  
  
He obeyed, "Did the fates tell you that I'd come back to life?"  
  
"Oh, of course, I've known it all along. But really, James dear, you shouldn't make a habit of dying like that, you had the rest of them very sad and depressed."  
  
"Good, good," She murmured distractedly, pursing her lips, "Something odd…"  
  
Until this, I had sat back and watched in amusement. "Well, Sybel, I need to talk to Mr. Potter. Was there a reason you came to see me?"  
  
"No…just a feeling…" The Divination professor muttered, never once taking her eyes off of James.  
  
"Why don't you tell me about it later?" I suggested, standing up and leading her to the exit.  
  
"Yes…" Her eyes suddenly flicked to his neck and widened. Her hand darted out to pull a necklace hidden underneath James' shirt. "You loved him." She whispered, going into a trance, "You were jealous of the wolf, yet you'd have killed for both him and his mate." Her eyes narrowed, "This is not yours," She accused, "Why do you wear it?"  
  
"I woke up with the necklace on—I tried to take it off, but it wouldn't budge." James muttered, trying to back away.  
  
"Foolish boy," She cackled abruptly, "I speak not of the necklace, that was given to you. But this…" Professor Trelawney's arm waved over James' body. "This you stole, unknowingly, perhaps, but it is still purloined." The seemingly insane teacher once again laughed, "Mass murderer, indeed. She was innocent. Ask the wolf's mate, he knows." Sybel swayed as the trance let go of her.  
  
"How did you know?" James breathed.  
  
"Know what, my dear?"  
  
"James is just tired, Sybel. Come back and see me later, alright?"  
  
"I will, Albus." Professor Trelawney patted James' arm, "Feel better, dear."  
  
James sat down hard in the armchair in front of my desk. "How could she have known?"  
  
"Do you realize, Mr. Potter, that you have not yet told me how it is that you are in this walking-talking-breathing state and not the immobile- stiff-dead state you have been in for quite some time now?"  
  
James sighed, "I knew I'd eventually have to tell it. No, wait, I don't. Albus, do you still have your Pensieve?"  
  
"Yes…but why—oh, of course. You don't wish to tell me, so you'll put the memory in? Alright, but I must warn you not to be surprised if you cannot recall the most everyday things right afterwards." James nodded and pulled out a wand that didn't look very similar to the one he'd had before he died. "Where did you get that wand?"  
  
"You'll see, it's all in here." And with that, James put the wand to his temple and withdrew a long, silvery wisp of memory. Putting it into the Pensieve, he smiled at me, "Alright? I have to go see…whom? Who is it that I'm going to go see?"  
  
"Harry?" I suggested.  
  
"Yes! Harry! That's it! And Harry is my….?"  
  
"Son," I sighed. He was more affected by it than most people were.  
  
"Right. Just wait until I leave to go into the shiny thing where I put the memory of…something, alright?" I nodded, and James exited my office muttering about how two times two was four, and that Snape was his best friend. I sighed, the Pensieve's after-effects were beginning to contort his memory.  
  
"It should be over soon. I just hope he doesn't suddenly decide that Minerva is his wife…" I leaned forward until my nose touched the surface, and was sucked in.  
  
A/N: Teehee, I'm a bad little author, aren't I? Leaving the chapter like that, all alone, someone might come up and snatch it! Well, ::sigh:: I guess you'll just have to review and keep it company! If you're good I'll post the sixth(?) part soon…Come on, tell me you aren't tempted to know how James is alive. ::hears several people telling her that they honestly don't care:: Oh well, learn to deal. Well don't just stand there! Be a good little bunny and review! Did I just call you guys bunnies? I am so sorry. Right then, let's change that to reader. Be a good little reader and review! That's better. 


	6. The Pensieve~Part One

A/N: Hmm...should I let you know why he's alive now or wait for another chapter? ::cackles maniacally:: I could keep you waiting FOREVER! You would all be POWERLESS against me! Unless--::stops laughing abruptly:: You stopped reading. That would be bad...very bad...alright! You've convinced me! I'll tell you! Well, most of it, anyway...  
  
~~Third Person POV~~  
  
The headmaster landed softly in a cold, dark room next to none other than the scourge of the wizarding world, the Dark Lord, the very-very evil Lord Voldemort, who was smirking and stroking his wand. []A/N: Not like THAT! Literal wand, people, literal. God, get your minds out of that oh-so- dirty gutter![] "Well, my dear, we've certainly been through a lot together, haven't we? Yes we have." Dumbledore couldn't believe his ears: The scourge of the wizarding world, the Dark Lord, the very-very evil Lord Voldemort was cooing at a thirteen-and-a-half inch piece of yew. The headmaster blinked, now the scourge of the wizarding world, etc. etc. was kissing the wand. All of a sudden, Peter Pettigrew burst into the room.  
  
"My lord," he panted, "Death Eater...betrayal...lots of badness...front hall."  
  
Voldemort scowled, "Catch your breath and then tell me, you pathetic excuse of a rat."  
  
"One of your Death Eaters is attempting to overthrow you. He's in the front hall lecturing everyone about how you're evil and should therefore be destroyed!"  
  
"Of course I'm evil, you idiot. I'm the Dark Lord! You can't get much more evil than myself!" He paused, "Is anyone listening to him?"  
  
"Oh! No! Of course not! My lord, you keep them alive! You've shown them the light! Or, as the case may be, the dark."  
  
Voldemort nodded, "Good, good. Still, planting thoughts in their heads...not good for my reputation...I suppose I'll have to deal with it...Rat, I'm leaving the wand here. Do. Not. Touch. It." With a final glare at his servant, the scourge of the—screw it—Voldemort stalked out.  
  
Peter immediately walked over to where his master had set the wand down and picked it up. Dumbledore noted how carefully he handled it; as though it would break if sneezed upon.  
  
"You're in there," Peter murmured, "I know you are. God, James forgive me! It wasn't—you weren't supposed to die like that! You didn't deserve that. You deserved to die in your sleep at a ripe old age; not trying to protect your wife and son at twenty!" He let our a sob as tears streamed down his face. "I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry, James! He's great, you know. Harry, I mean. All good and noble and brave...So much like a typical Griffindor! But he's not typical at all. He's like you. So much courage...he's been through so much for someone so young. He's only seventeen, you know. He's seen me twice—well, twice as me, anyway—once in his third year, and then in the fourth. That was the year—" Peter gulped. "The year He came back. But you were there, weren't you? When His and Harry's wands were connected. You came. Must've been hard for him...so hard..." A look of determination slowly grew on his face, "Yes, I'll do it. I have to." Peter gripped the wand very tightly. "For Harry. For Lily." He suddenly snapped it in two pieces. "For Sirius." Eight silvery wisps of smoke floated out of the pieces. Six flew out the open window, one disappeared as soon as it was out, and the last hovered unnoticed near the ceiling.  
  
Just then, Voldemort threw the heavy double doors open and stormed into the room with several Death Eaters following. "Rat!" he boomed, "You betray me!" Without a second thought he had grabbed a sword from one of the decorative suits of armor and impaled Peter Pettigrew. "Traitors are the worst type of filth on the earth." He hissed, twisting the sword with each emphasized word. "You can never trust them. Idiot." Voldemort spat on the writhing figure of his former servant before stamping towards the open doors. "Don't leave until you're sure he's dead. And torture him a bit more for me, will you Lucius?"  
  
Lucius Malfoy nodded, "Of course, my lord."  
  
Voldemort glared at the rest of his Death Eaters. "Well? What are you waiting for? Follow me." The Death Eaters looked at each other and shrugged before following their lord and master out of the room which held the dying man. (They weren't the brightest crayons in the box, if you know what I mean)  
  
Lucius knelt down, "Did you actually think you could get away with it, Peter? No one betrays Him. No. One."  
  
"For James..." Peter whispered as he died.  
  
The blonde haired man removed the sword from Pettigrew's chest. "Idiot."  
  
The last wisp of smoke floated out the window, and Dumbledore found himself in a cage with ten of the Dementor's Kiss victims.  
  
  
  
A/N: Okay I didn't MEAN to leave you like that, I really didn't! It's just that, well, I need some information from the fourth book, and I loaned it to one of my friends who is currently in Japan on a business trip. Arghh...believe me, I didn't plan this! The more people who review, the more I'll look for another copy. Soooo...Review! 


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